he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
