Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
