So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
