You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
