Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
