my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize