it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Never underestimate the power of titties
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
