I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize