I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
