and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
