I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
