I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
