i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
