okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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