Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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