She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
