what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
