what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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