I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
