I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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