We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
