i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
