Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
