Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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