So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize