she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
