i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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