Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
