I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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