my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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