laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
