It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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