So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize