This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Define "chronic" masturbator.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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