I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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