why didn't you poke me back
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize