Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
