there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize