went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
