It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
