That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
