I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize