The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
