i think my tv is drunk
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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