Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
