We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
