Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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