Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
