Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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