the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
