you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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