That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
