Your mouth is God's brothel.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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