Have you finally orgasmed yet?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
