know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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