apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
