I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
