we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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