I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
