I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
