ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
