Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
