I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
