so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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