my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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