You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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