the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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