she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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