He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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